To: HRH Prince William, Duke of Cambridge

I'm not being funny or anything but,
What has she got that I haven't got?
We both have arms, we both have legs
But where I've got boobs,
She's got fried eggs!

Oh oh William
You've made a big mistake
I'm meant to be your Princess
But you've gone and married Kate!

I know it's not just you
It's so easy to do
People often get confused
Since we're so similar

And I'm not being nasty or anything but
What has she got that I haven't got?
We're both brunettes, we both like shoes
Even though, I must admit,
My shoes are quite cheap
Since I was banking on the fact
That you would marry me

I know it's not just you
And it IS easy to do
So many get confused
(Even-though-I'm-much-better-looking-and-
Clearly-the-better-choice-
But-don't-worry-you've-made-your-bed-[so-to-speak]-
And-now-your-going-to-have-to-lie-in-it-[humph!]-
And-you're-not-even-really-allowed-to-behead, divorce, split-up-with-her...)

Oh oh William
There's been a gross miscarriage of justice
And frankly I think I'm owed compensation

A simple cheque will do
Just make it out to
Becky "Should-Be-Windsor"
And we'll say no more
About it

I mean, I'm not being funny or anything...