Adverse Advice | Procrastination: A Valid Use of Your Time

I became very familiar with what is commonly called "procrastination" during my college years. My friends and I perfected it as an art form and, together, we spent many happy hours doing pretty much anything other than the work we were supposed to be doing.  But you know what, some of the things we did whilst "procrastinating" turned out to be worthwhile later on..(honest Mrs.P!).

So firstly, let's re-brand PROCRASTINATION as...erm...REFOCUSSING.  "Yeah - that's what I'm doing Miss, refocussing my mind..."

Here are some things you can do while ...REFOCUSSING... that will turn out to have been a useful waste of your time...

NB: It would help if you are a frightful geek like moi...

1) Teach yourself how to solve a Rubik's cube in under 4 minutes.

Tried?: Yes. I did this when I was at Uni, instead of revising the uses of the Subjunctive in Spanish. This means that my use of the Subjunctive in Spanish is woefully inaccurate but I am able to woo people with my cube-twiddling skills.

Why is it useful?: It will amaze people (who are unable to solve Rubik's cubes) and it worked for Will Smith in the Pursuit of Happyness...

                                                 Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness

2) Learn how to build a tall (say, at least a metre-high) and stable structure using just dry spaghetti and jellybabies.

Tried?: Sort of. I have been asked to do this three times in my life as a team building exercise for college and then for some fancy recruitment agencies. My team failed each time. Apparently you need to use triangles...

Why is it useful?: It means your team will always win whenever you are randomly required to build a spaghetti-jellybaby tower.

                                                   I didn't build this...I found it on Google...

3) Practice cooking delicious meals using only what you have in your kitchen cupboards*.

Tried?: Oh yes. But not by choice. I frequently had to do this irl because when the state was raping me of all the money I hadn't earnt yet  I was a student, we had to come up with increasingly inventive ways to spend as little as possible on food.

Why is it useful?: Well, if you are a victim of Michael Gove student, anything that will help you save money for cider can only be a good thing right? Also, for the rest of you who aren't "studying", you may be aware that we are in a CREDIT CRUNCH (dundunduunnnn). If you are my age, the chances are that you have spent your entire adult life hearing about the sodding state of the economy and it's probably the last thing you want to read about on what is supposed to be a light-entertainment blog. Sorry. The fact is, my dears, that we will all of us be hard-up at some point or other - and when that time comes, you will WISH you had learnt how to make cheesy-beany-brownsaucey-couscous!

* I would stick to your kitchen, I know, when times are desperate, you may be tempted to harvest the garden, or if you're really desperate, to search the entire flat for food but, please exercise caution when choosing what to cook, and THROW THAT FLUFFY CUSTARD CREAM THAT YOU FOUND DOWN THE BACK OF THE SETTEE AWAY!

This website is very useful for weird and cheap recipes (including, for example, a bread sandwich):
http://studentrecipes.com/recipes/cook-to-impress/bread-sandwich/

4) Secretly practice your boyfriend's favourite Xbox game until you have got better at it than him.

Tried?: I did try to teach myself how to pwn Laurence at RockBand \m/, my weapon of choice was the guitar. I secretly practiced for about four days but lost interest when I realised that I have absolutely zero hand-eye co-ordination. I eventually gave up on day 4 when a lunge to get "overdrive" points caused me to accidentally hit myself in the face. I can still only just about manage to play it on "medium". Sigh...

Why is it useful?: Because, here's what I imagined would happen, I'd learn to play something horrendously difficult like Raining Blood on "expert". Then, next time he had his mates over, they'd all go to play it and I'd be like "can I have a go?". And they would be like "err okay (hahahaha)", then I would thrash it, and everyone would think I was made of awesome. Technically, your bf should already think this, but it doesn't hurt to reaffirm it with Xbox skillz.

                                                        Yeah, so this is me playing...NOT

5) Learna Mandarinoo. No I'm serious. Learn Mandarin!

Tried?: A work-in-progress but yes, I took Mandarin classes for extra credits at Uni and it's bloody hard. I haven't studied it for a few years now but I can still remember some very useful *ahem* sentences about buying oranges, introducing your friends and visiting the Post Office. Oh yeah...check me out! Unfortunately, it IS very difficult, I'm not gonna lie. Still cool though, hey? (Playing a bit fast and loose with the word "cool" there, Becky).

Why is it useful?: Because China will soon rule the world - and you've probably already got American down. I mean, everyone in the UK learns an American accent when they're, like, 3 yrs old from all the Disney films and Barbie adverts...don't they? ("C'mon Barbie let's go party!", "Ah ah ah yeah!"). If I were you though, when you do study Mandarin, I would skip learning about oranges and post offices and get straight to the business negotiation/ diplomacy module.

Well, I hope you are now REFOCUSSED now run along and finish whatever you were supposed to be doing before you started reading this...

Cheerio! x